Upheaval
One tiny black mark - one extensive upheaval.
A teenager’s eye roll says it all – “Really?!” it can say, or “Still like that…” or even, “Hasn’t that been sorted yet?”
Post exams there was such an eye roll: the Cheshire One had arrived to spend a couple of nights in residence. As they went into the bedroom they pointed an index finger at the ceiling above the bedhead – and rolled their eyes. No need to say more…
And at that point no more was said - or done.
Three months later, the boat safely tied up back at her home mooring, life ashore resumed.
The bedroom door was opened and the rogue black mark had not only grown but had also sprouted a twin. A yellowing stain and a bulge was now creeping down the gabled ceiling.
Eye rolls could no longer be the means of communication.
Next morning a text was sent to Bricks-and-Mortar Man, he who has solved and sorted previous domestic dilemmas and dramas. You name it, he’s done it – driveway, patio, kitchen and bathroom refits, loft work, to name a few…
“!’ll be round on Saturday,” he texted back. The ceiling was inspected. The loft space above is too cramped to access. Outside went the Captain and B&M Man. Eyes were fixed along the roofline and the gabled slope. There was no obvious flaw, no obvious missing tile. Back inside trooped the pair to inspect the internal damage again. “I’ll come on Monday,” said B&M Man. “We’ll bring that ceiling bit down and see what’s what…”
That one small room could contain so much stuff, all of which had to be removed to solve the leak problem and put the room to rights…
So, on Monday B&M Man was back to pull down the gabled ceiling and assess the problem.
Above the plasterboard was a flaky strut and soggy pieces of insulation. “Gonna have to go in from outside,” B&M Man announced. “I’ll organise the scaffolding.”
Within a few days, while the B&M Rescuer completed someone else’s bathroom project, the Scaffolding Team arrived.
Time passed and then Bricks-and-Mortar Man returned, preceded by a knock on the front door. “Eric sent me,“ said a workman, “I’m the roofer.”
Over a couple of days there was banging and bashing, photographs relayed from the roof-line and an invitation to the Captain to inspect the works…
Three issues were sorted – a lead trough too shallow for storm driven water was replaced, a broken tile was repaired and a guttering slope de-clogged of moss, grass and debris…
Had the leak been cured? Would rain find its way in again…? For roofers the weather was brilliant, dry and windless.
Every engineer knows that a modification needs to be tested - but there was no sign of rain in the forecasts… A hosepipe attached to a tap at ground level was taken up the ladders and water was played on the suspect (now repaired) area of the roof.
No water found its way into the house. Success!
Convinced that the roof was now watertight Bricks-and-Mortar Man moved indoors.
The gable ceiling was repaired with plasterboard. The textured ceiling was flattened and painted.
“You’ll be wanting a new radiator?” Bricks and Mortar Man said, more as a statement than as a question. Yes, a narrower but double depth radiator would be a good thing…
And so the old radiator languished a while in the garden awaiting disposal.
“You having a new carpet in here?” Emphatically yes! The thin old foam back covering was pulled up, the foam backing disintegrating into clouds of brown-grey dust. But what treasure lay underneath – spread across the flooring sheets was a complete Sunday Times, dated 14th June 1992. It was somewhat pleasing to know that the previous owner had been a Sunday Times reader, but look at the front page story… History!
The wall paint was chosen.
The replacement carpet was chosen. As the saga rolled on The Gas Man Cometh song was recalled. (Reminder here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1dvAxA9ib0 .)
Bricks-and-Mortar Man – Scaffolders - Roofer – Bricks-and-Mortar Man – Plumber – Window Fitter – Plumber – Scaffolders - Bricks-and-Mortar Man – Carpet Fitters – Home Security Engineer…
Home Security Engineer?? A fault on the house alarm system was eventually traced to three breaks in the wires, which by then were lying underneath the very newly laid brand new carpet!
For five whole weeks the entire contents of one small bedroom had been crammed into two other rooms with overspill on the landing.
The Captain’s workplace used to have a saying: When you’re up to your buttocks in alligators you forget you came in here to drain the swamp…
This long succession of tasks and the taskforce involved had come about because little bits of rain driving in over a shallow trough had over time caused visible ceiling damage…
On leave from tea-making duties for the workforce at a weekend, there was a jaunt up the M1 to the boat. (Oh, Happy 65th birthday, dear M1. See here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c2k05el0wqlo#:~:text=The%20UK's%20first%20cross%2Dcountry,traffic%20for%20the%20first%20time. )
The boat was lying comfortably at her mooring.
(Inside were two new radiators, the Marine Engineer having replaced the two which after 11 years had developed rust spots and leaky water streaks.) It was time to take the poles and gangplank off the roof and store them inside for the winter.
Then, last job of all, all the water was to be drained from the water tank.
A tiny puddle of water on the floor at the base of the bed attracted Boatwif’s eye. Where had that come from? There was no vent in the roof above. A closer look - the puddle appeared to be part of a pool which was forming underneath the floormat. Serious investigations began – where else was there water? The culprit appeared to be a split on the top of the calorifier (hot water tank) which is under the bed.
An area on the underside of the mattress was damp as were several slats of the bed base.
The calorifier and water tank were drained down and the mattress was left standing on end to dry out.
Two trite sayings have come to mind – ‘it never rains but it pours’ and *B.O.A.T.
POSTSCRIPT: Amid the upheaval a planned-for trip still went ahead: in cloudy conditions Cheshire’s famous Cloud was sighted from a train.
There were glimpses of canals, a reminder at Macclesfield of historic dates
- and an afternoon in Manchester spent in the company of a very well known historian.
*B. O. A. T. – as used by boaters, ‘Bring Out Another Thousand…
